8 Questions you need to ask before having sex

Whether you have a three-date, three-month or no-sex-before-marriage rule, that's totally your business - we're not judging you! But before you dive into bed with that new guy you've been dating, there are some things you need to ask. We probably all know how important it is to discuss things like birth control and STIs, but is there an easy way to figure out whether the man you're about to be intimate with is a selfish, arrogant jerk who will leave you feeling depressed and heartbroken? Great news girls, there is! Try asking these 8 questions for a deeper insight into what makes him tick...

#1. Have you been tested?

Sexually transmitted infections are serious business, and if you're ready to sleep with him, you're ready to have this discussion! Don't rely on someone just saying, "I'm clean," as that means nothing. If you want to make the whole situation less awkward, get tested yourself and strike up a conversation about test history, before you get into bed with him.

#2. Are you married?

It might be a casual fling between you two, but it still pays to know the type of situation you're getting yourself into. If he is seeing other women, you could be at risk of STIs. You'd like to assume that because he's dating, he's not married - but you'd be surprised. Cheating is (sadly) much more common amongst married couples than you might think. It's worth asking him if you really want to know - you may not get a straight answer, but if he acts awkward or shies away from the subject, you've got your answer already!

#3. Do you like your job?

What men have to say about their work (and women too, actually) says a lot about them as a person. So have a chat about what he does, whether he enjoys it and even whether he likes his co-workers; you'll be able to get a feel for how honest he is. By asking 4 or 5 specific questions about a single topic, you can tell whether he's a liar or not. After three questions, maintaining a 'cover story' can become challenging, so a liar will probably try to redirect the conversation to a different topic. If he gets evasive after a few questions, that should be a red flag, although don't discount him immediately as there could be other factors at play! Bear in mind though that if he's lying about work, he's probably lying about other stuff too.

#4. "Nice car! Is that how you pick up women?"

Stroke his ego to figure out how arrogant he really is - it's known as a 'flattery ploy'. If he's your average, semi-confident-yet-humble guy, he'll simple get embarrassed or take your compliments graciously. Somebody arrogant will use your compliment as an opportunity to start bragging about themselves. So if you find him following every compliment with a 10-minute speech about his exploits, it's a red flag that he is selfish (and quite possibly selfish in bed too!) There's nothing wrong with being selfish every now and then, but arrogance is a real turn-off.

#5. Are you and your ex friends?

Watch out for how a man talks about his past relationships. Anybody who is respectful when talking about their ex-partner and breakup is likely to be respectful towards you. Rather than diving into an awkward conversation about his relationship history when you're on a date, tell him something about your past relationships - he should feel compelled to respond and share something from his past.

#6. "Aww, having a bad hair day, huh?"

When you're considering getting intimate with a new guy, safety is important, and chances are you haven't seen all sides of his personality yet. If he has any control or anger issues, you should aim to suss these out from the start! Making mildly provoking/teasing comments about his hair, car or clothes will let you see his true colours. Violent or angry individuals are likely to become irritated by comments like these. Just make sure you don't actually offend him - keep it jokey and light, and hope he laughs it off!

#7. What are my expectations?

Asking yourself what you want of this sexual encounter and this relationship is important before you sleep with him. Before we have sex, we're all guilty of romanticising it and having high expectations. When things don't go exactly to plan, it can often be heartbreaking to deal with the fallout. Whether you're after casual sex, or love and a long-term relationship (or something in-between), be honest with yourself about what you expect to happen the following morning!

#8. Am I ok not seeing him again?

We all know that it can be tough to be totally honest with yourself about whether or not you can handle a casual relationship. There's no harm in admitting that it's just not for you, right now, or ever! Consider the worst case scenario before hopping into bed with somebody new - what if you sleep with him and the next morning he vanishes from your life? If you think that yes, you can handle that, by all means go for it! But if you're not sure or the answer is definitely no, you might want to wait until you do think you can handle that, or until you are both ready for something more serious. If he likes you as much as he says he does, he won't go anywhere!

READ THIS NEXT: Can casual sex make you unhappy?

Author By Paula Beaton
Date On 21st Sep 2015 at 13:17

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