Find your way back to happiness after a breakup

Separating from your partner, even if you are the person who decided to make the break, can be a devastating experience for any number of reasons. Not only can it affect your social life, making it difficult or even impossible to stay in touch with some old friends, it can also affect your finances and may mean moving to a new home or even a new town or city. With such a significant impact on so many aspects of daily life, it is not surprising that breakups, whether divorces or the end of a long term relationship are counted among the most stressful life events. You may feel sad, angry or simply helpless in the face of such an overpowering circumstance, but there are steps you can take to help you find your way back to happiness and a more peaceful state of mind:

Feel what you’re feeling

In the long run, owning your feelings, even the ones you wish you didn’t have, is healthier than denying them or repressing them. You may need to cry and that’s a healthy, natural response. You may not be the kind of person who wants to talk everything out with your friends—or perhaps you feel you awkward about talking it out as much as you’d like to. There are other ways to get your feelings out, such as journaling. If you’d still like to talk and perhaps to get some feedback and suggestions for you, you may find it valuable to speak to a counsellor.

Reconnect with people who care about you

If you have been in a relationship for a long time, you may not have spent as much time with old friends and family members as you did before you met your partner. Now is the perfect time to catch up with them, reconnect and spend time around people who can support and nurture you. It may be tempting to isolate yourself from people who care about you, especially if you feel they are unable to understand what you are going through. However, a few days of self-isolation can easily become weeks and months and an extended period of solitude can make it difficult to face returning to everyday life.

Reconnect with yourself

During your relationship, you will have changed, just as we all change as we progress through life. You may have neglected interests or aspects of yourself that you had no need for during your relationship, but that does not mean they are not waiting to be rediscovered when the time is right. This is a good time to get back in touch with interests you may have neglected, improve your fitness, or perhaps to consider looking into a new hobby that you’ve always fancied having a go at.

Be kind—to yourself and others

The path to happiness is based on kindness. If you have been through a difficult time and are experiencing unhappiness, beating yourself up for experiencing natural emotions will not help your wellbeing. Extending that kindness to other people is also important. If you can find a way to be of service to others, it not only helps them, but also gives you the important experience of feeling connected to the world beyond your own thoughts and feelings and helps you get in touch with your compassionate nature.

Don’t rush back into dating

Some people say that the best cure is to meet someone new, but that can be a lot of pressure for someone who has come out of a long term relationship. Even if they feel lonely, they may not be in the right frame of mind to get the most out of a relationship and to give the best of themselves to someone else. It may be more helpful to work on returning to being a strong and independent person who is happy, confident and ready for a new relationship when the right person comes along.

Even if, in the long term, the break up is for the best, it can still be a powerful blow to a person and finding the way back to happiness may seem like a daunting journey. When you are hurting, it may be difficult to believe you will ever feel happy again. … and perhaps even see it as an opportunity to grown and make positive changes in your life. Like any journey, if you take one step at a time, you will get there in the end.

Alex John - 24/10/2018 - 12:49

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