Is your relationship ruining your life?
When you're in a new relationship, it's easy to be blinded by feelings for the other person. They may seem flawless, perfect and without a fault in sight - come on, we know that nobody's really like that! Unfortunately, once the lust has settled into cosy comfort, that's when relationship problems can start to rear their ugly heads, and if you're in a toxic relationship, it could literally be ruining your life. Worried that your partner is making you unhappy? Here are 6 tell-tale signs to look out for.
#1. You're always to blame
This goes hand in hand with always apologising - if it always seems to be you who's in the wrong whenever you argue, take a long hard look at your relationship. If you know you didn't cause the disagreement, why are you being blamed for it? Unfortunately, this passive agressive behaviour is often used by one partner to control the other - making them feel guilty for something that wasn't their fault. This kind of behaviour is never acceptable, so discuss things with your other half and if they don't improve, fast, then make tracks!
#2. They constantly put you down
Being put down by your partner day-in, day-out can erode your self-esteem to the point where you find it hard to act normally. Being criticised for the way you look or act, being told you're stupid or even just being talked down to can all negatively impact your confidence levels. This is your boyfriend/girlfriend we're talking about here - they're supposed to make you feel like the most beautiful/amazing/wonderful person on the planet! Any less and they're not doing their job properly. Ok, so we all have days where we don't like something our partner has done or even the outfit they're wearing, but there's a difference between one critical comment and a constant flurry of emotional abuse that could lead to depression and anxiety.
#3. They don't include you
In a long-term relationship, it's natural to want to include your other half in most, if not all aspects of your life. That means introducing them to your family and closest friends, meeting up with them on nights out and going on holiday together. If your partner is always off on holiday with the lads or fails to invite you to family get-togethers, this could be a big red flag. It really depends how long you have been together, what you expect from the relationship and how they have been with previous partners. It could be a sign they're not as serious about things as you are - nobody wants to feel left out, so try talking to them if this is bothering you, before you start to feel angry and resentful.
#3. It's a let-down
We've all been there - the boyfriend (or girlfriend) who promises to call, arranges dates with us and cancels or is just otherwise an expert at letting us down. Being constantly let down is damaging to your relationship, but it could also lead to feelings of depression as you start to wonder if perhaps you're doing something wrong? It's not you, trust us - it's them! Somebody who loves you will respect your feelings and any promises or plans they have made with you, and they won't let you down. Of course, we all lead busy lives and sometimes work or another commitment can genuinely get in the way, but it shouldn't be a constant thing. If it happens more than a couple of times, it might be time to re-evaluate whether it's time to breakup.
#4. You're sad more often than happy
A biggie this one - are you sad in your relationship more often than you're happy? Think back to the last happy moment you shared with your other half; there should be something very recent which comes to mind. If you're struggling to think of a happy time, or are having to go back months or even years in order to recall happy memories, that's a no-no! Or it might be that friends and family have commented on your happiness levels since you've been in this relationship - the people closest to you will often notice your mood even more than you do, and if they sense you're unhappy, it's time to look at the situation and decide for yourself.
#5. They don't support you
We're talking both emotionally and financially here. Nobody wants to live with a sponger who lets you pay all the bills whilst they spend their cash on a flashy car or nights out. Likewise, if you're always having to ask your partner for cash or they are unemployed and not contributing, it can put a massive strain on the relationship. Lack of emotional support can be every bit as serious as financial support. You should be able to talk about both the important things and the little things with the person you love - so if you've had a bad day at work, getting it off your chest shouldn't be an issue. If they're unwilling to listen to you but expect you to be supportive of their decisions and moods, it's time to be single.
#6. You're feeling ill
Physical symptoms can actually result from emotional stress, and if your relationship is draining you emotionally, it can lead to mental and physical illness. Depression, anxiety, headaches and sleepless nights can all be the result of relationship stress - you may find your skin breaks out, or it could just be that you don't have the same energy levels as usual. Going to the gym or meeting up with friends, things you used to enjoy, could become a struggle. If you're constantly worrying and stressing about your relationship - for example if you can't trust your partner or are worried they're going to leave you - this needs to be discussed. It could be down to simple insecurities, or there could be more going on. Perhaps you're not right for each other!