20 Signs it's love not lust
"Lust is temporary, romance can be nice, but love is the most important thing of all. Because without love, lust and romance will always be short-lived," said romance novelist Danielle Steel.
Falling in love is terrifying, exciting and exhilarating, but sometimes when you're in the throes of a new relationship, you might find yourself wondering if it's love or lust. Here are 20 signs that what you're feeling is the real deal!
#1. You show affection, even when sex isn't on the cards
And not just you, your partner too! Little things like kissing, holding hands, cuddling and touching whenever you get the chance is lovely. Sex isn't the only way to maintain closeness when you're in love!
#2. You want them to meet your family and friends
When the person you're seeing has become an important part of your life, it's natural to want them to meet your friends and family, and for them to be keen to introduce you to significant people in their lives.
#3. You're happy making plans for the future
If you notice yourself using "we" rather than "I" when talking about the future, or if you find yourself making plans for next month or even next year, it's a sure sign you're in it for the long haul!
#4. You have deep conversations
Asking questions about each other and showing an interest in things your partner cares about could mean you're in love. If either of you is just in it for sex, you won't invest the time and effort getting to know each other.
#5. Your friends are sick of hearing about them
If you can't stop talking about your partner - to the point that your friends have stopped calling - it could be love! We get it, you're happy, but there's no need to go on and on about your relationship. Don't neglect your friends!
#6. You're willing to go the extra mile
Despite what you might see in the movies, love isn't always easy. There might be distance between you or maybe you're both really busy with work or study commitments. Sometimes it takes organisation, planning and juggling just to get to spend time with that person. If you're willing to go the extra mile - such as driving miles across town at 3am for an hour together before their flight leaves - and making your life harder in the process, it must be love.
#7. You're happy doing mundane tasks together
Everyday errands like grocery shopping or choosing new glasses at the opticians are suddenly made much more interesting when they're with you - and they don't mind coming along either.
#8. You can't stop thinking about them
You find yourself struggling to sleep at night as you lie awake thinking about them, are constantly wondering what they're up to and see things that make you think of them. You might even spot posters for a CD or show that they'd like. They're on your mind before you go to sleep and when you wake up.
#9. You care about what they want
When we're single, we can get pretty set in our ways and want to maintain control of our life, and our time. But when you're in love, you really care about what your partner wants. You want to know how they take their coffee and what makes them laugh. That's because you want to be the one making them laugh and getting them coffee.
#10. You find their quirks charming
The way she always takes a cup of tea to bed or the fact he has a specific pair of boxers he always wears on a Friday doesn't annoy you. In fact, those little things make you inexplicably happy, and you're not sure why!
#11. You don't notice other people as much
It's human nature to notice other people we find attractive, but lately you've found yourself not noticing other men or women as much. When you do notice them, they often pale in comparison to your partner.
#12. You're happy doing nothing together
It used to be that your weekends were filled with plans, but these days you just look forward to seeing them, no matter what you end up doing together. Even just going for a walk or settling down to watch a film on Netflix seems perfect.
#13. You're quick to compromise
When the person you're seeing asks you to be flexible on something and you're not interested in budging - you're not in love. When you are in love, you're happy to bend to accommodate their wishes - their happiness is as important as yours.
#14. You re-assess your priorities
Maybe you've always religiously stuck to a to-do list on a daily basis, but suddenly you find yourself putting things off because they're free to have dinner together. Or perhaps you train every Tuesday and Thursday at the gym - but if they want to go to the cinema, that takes priority.
#15. They scare the shit out of you
Being in love is terrifying, and this person scares the shit out of you more than anyone else, ever. You know they have the ability to hurt you more than anyone ever has and you want to push them away. But deep down, you still want to be with them. That's love!
#16. You have great chemistry
That indefinable 'spark' is a must when it comes to love - if you have to ask if you have it with this person, then you don't. That butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling can't be faked!
#17. You can't wait to spend more time with them
Three hour dinner dates turn into a weekend at your place, a trip to the cinema becomes a 48-hour dating marathon. It seems like time passes too fast when you're with them and there's never enough time. When you're apart, you can't wait to be together again!
#18. You value their opinion
You might choose tops in their favourite colour or ask them for their opinion when you're hunting for a new job - and listen to what they have to say! Taking advice from your partner shows a level of commitment and respect that's necessary for a healthy, loving relationship.
#19. They make you want to be a better person
You find yourself being the person who stops to give money to the homeless man on the corner and helping out your colleagues at work. Your significant other makes you feel good, and you want to pass those positive vibes on to other people!
#20. You just can't get enough
Find yourself cancelling Pilates class or skipping that morning meeting at work to spend time with them? Or maybe your lunch break has run over so the two of you could grab lunch together. When you're not together, you're constantly texting, skyping or spending hours on the phone - you want to be with them every second of every day.
If you can say yes to most or all of these signs, then you're in love! If not, don't give up just yet - sometimes love can take a while to grow between two people. On the other hand, it could be time to breakup and look for love with somebody new!